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Tuesday, 09 February 2010

Crash Flag

I have no images in my head.

I just ate a bowl of fried noodles boiled in chicken broth because my mum insisted that the noodle was tasteless and made me cook it with soup.

it was over 11pm, and I havent had my dinner but i was almost too boiled up to eat.

i came home feeling F-ed up and I still have to hear my mum's scolding of why have I not eaten when it is so late and i'd ruin my health and what not.

the only reason i came back earlier than expected is so that i could have my dinner asap, and not wait around like a hungry idiot without anyone giving a shit about me.

I guess we have different priorities. Me being a pig, and having to have my meals at meal times.

And you, you're different. You're not even hungry so I guess it does not matter.

You didnt stop me from leaving, and I'm cool with that since you are too.

It could have been different if you did try, you know I dont have a stubborn heart.
But I left with a rational mind and I dont regret it.

I know why my mum is angry, I would be if i were her.

She treats her daughter like gem, giving and tending to all her needs if possible.

And there her daughter is, choosing to be dragged around, going hungry, coming back at ungodly hours.

So today, the girl just decided to go home.
Decided that maybe she has really neglected her family.
Realised that she's neglected her studies so much and also her friends.

Ah gees, her studies.

I knew from the start that if I were to be with someone like you, my lifestyle would change. My nights would be really damn late.

I changed alot. Mum even said I lost myself. I'm being absorbed too deep into someone else's life and I cant handle it. Well, I think I know but I never really thought about it.

I dont wanna come back late.
I dont wanna hear vulgarities.
I dont wanna hear replies in chinese.
I dont want to always evolve around your world, or so it seems.
I dont wanna be so wrapped up in this whole relationship without knowing where I'm going.

It may seem so harsh, but the truth hurts. I cant deny that you were really good to me. You did your best at trying to protect me and what not. I'd cry at every thought of it.

But it does boil down to if I can juggle this relationship with my family and studies? We spend so much time together, its unbelievable.

Its 3 hours now and there's no word from you. I honestly can say that I still care for you and you're still my priority. But this is probably a chance to show each other what we really are.

Isn't it?

Monday, 08 February 2010

I'd read you in my book.

Havent been blogging in the longest time.
guess i dont really have the time to actually sit at home and blog about life lately.
=( am i really that busy? i guess with the 24/7 bf, i dont have that much time to slack my ass off anymore.
life has been fair, i got the internship. i've got good company, least the fact that some friendship hasnt been going on too well.
school is ending, projects are ending, missed so many people's bdays=((
fi, and jelly, i will make up to you guys.
the princesses sleepover was awesome, though jana was missed.
helped a friend sell her clothes, =) excited to see the pics.
i think i'm putting on weight, but i really cant be bothered.
wanna met up with fe soon.
i feel like learning some new skill, like repairing a car or learn gymnastics and do like 45 sommersaults. I wanna feel better about myself, prolly like being more useful in every way.
=(
i guess, now i'm probably not feeling on the top of the world. yes baby, I'm stressed. =(
its ok, its not like i cant change my future.

We're being signed to an agent to be in a new Girlband, and this is our photoshoot. hahha

......gift exchange!(:....

and finally Duckie at Marche =)4(=

Friday, 15 January 2010

Route to depletion

I'm aching like a limp lamb now. haha. i tried very hard to walk normally.
Havent been dancing for 2 months and yesterday i went for class from 6-10pm. jessica is a nice instructor. i was so afraid of being rusty from the absence of not dancing, but surprisingly i still had it in me. i did realise after that, that if i were to lose touch of dancing, i would have lost the years i had gained in me. so that thought should never cross my mind. Concert training is coming and it might be an everyday affair.
I look horrible on camera. nightmare nightmare.=( today was co-hosting and afiqah and i hit it off pretty well. we went throught it without having written a script. so its commentable.
I hate fridays. and I rarely even use that word hate. It reminds me of everything upsetting. I miss my old friends and those happy times spent. i miss kimberly, ale, farhanah and all.
the boyfriend picks me up at school after dance at 10pm even though he just went for training and is tired and what not. He is really really sweet at times. at times. haha
I had so much to write but i suddenly lost it all.
meeting up with Lyn, Natalie Ang C and the CIAPS soon. booking a hotel! credits to bel. =)) 22nd of January, good date.
haha, the blue carebear. you can go find out what the blue carebear means. haha.

If the world fell by my feet,
all I needed was really, that simple.

Sunday, 27 December 2009

Home sweet Home.

everywhere was snow...

Everything's fine. I'm home. the photos are seriously a tiny portion of what we've taken. but i am really lazy to go find them all.
The Europe trip was a mix of everything good. though i was sick half the time. the coldest was -24 degrees. but i dont remember shivering so bad till the strong wind came.
the food was alright, though it seriously was not the best french/western food i've tasted.
the place though, was beautiful. London was cool, with people having the cool british accent. the red buses and letterboxes. oh gees, we went to the Tower bridge! i was so fascinated cause i did my art work on it.
Paris houses the buildings which i want my future house to look like. the streets lined with short storey shop houses and cafes, people walking their dogs, reading their favourite books and sipping coffee. speaking the sexy tongue of their french language which i had a taste of during my french lessons in school. the mother also bought a couple of goods at the flagships as there were tax reductions and what not. hmm,=) and we went up the eiffel too.
Switerland has one of the best scenic. the snow capped tops on cars and houses and mountains. we went skiing there as well. i would say it was really fun! though its tough to get the equiptments and all ready cause they were really heavy. and plus, its really expensive to skii.
Zurich, Burt and especially Zermatt were iconicly breathtaking. those high mountain views with nice cottage houses.
the friends there i made were fun, we went to eachothers room to play games and truth or dare at night. haha
however before the 12 days were up, i was dying to get back already. back to where my bed is, back to where reality is, back to warm singapore, back to my baby. oh gosh, i did miss him. hahha,
i probably wouldnt go back to europe anytime soon. It was a whole lot of expenses on the father. Nonetheless, it was a really good virgin experience!=D

my fav photo. (: snowball!

Saturday, 12 December 2009

unsecretive

I'm going to tour europe for 12 days.
would be back on the 23rd of Dec. so dont bother contacting me in vain yeah sweeties.
I'd miss a couple of parties, a couple of people. and some workload to get off my chest. i did broadcast filming with a lousy stuffy nose and cough. screw that=(((
i got my happy new phone already=)
Farhanah is on the CLEO's cover page! everyone go and buy a copy now! isnt my bbgirl such a beauty?=) so proud of her!!!
felina please take care while i'm away. stephbaby , u know u'd always be in my heart.=)
and Boris Tan. 12 days is gonna be quick. hahha, have u found the game to occupy yourself yet?
You know what u gotta know. the 'logbook' would say more yeah.
MISSES,... MUCH.